I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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