He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
