Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
