I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
