Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Randomize
