So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
