areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
