i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
