I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
