There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
