I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Randomize
