I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.�
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Randomize
