dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
