she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
