Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
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