dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize
