Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
