Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
