Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Randomize
