I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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