I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Randomize
