you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.�
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
