His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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