Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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