your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
She announced her abortion via fbk
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
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