ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
It's official drugs can't kill me
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Randomize
