It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Randomize
