I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Randomize
