I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
