I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
