Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Randomize
