so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Randomize
