you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
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