He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Randomize
