Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
