Banned from zoo.
Again?
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize
