On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
The uberlube is also flammable
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
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