is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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