I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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