You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Randomize
