Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
