you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
