I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
This is classic penis vs brain.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
