Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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