I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Where is the hickey?
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
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