So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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