A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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