Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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