P.S. I can't hear my feet
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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