dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
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